The last year and the new one

So here it is - the end of the year, once again an end and then a new beginning. This was an year of change, big changes not dramatic ones like the last year but an year of absolute changes. I never in my life had imagined I would come abroad to study and that also to a place like Edinburgh which so magnificently beautiful. Never had I thought I would that I would meet people from so many different nationalities, let alone be friends with some of them (it doesn't feel that they are any different from us). Never had I thought that I would travel, yet I am planning too. 


I am so thankful to people (known and unknown) who pushed me to take up this decision and all the people who never let me look back. Whether this was a right decision or not time will only tell, but it sure has made me look towards life with a different perspective. There is so much more to learn, so much more to experience, so much more to live. 


Uncertainty rules our lives but that doesn't mean that we have to be bogged down with it. When you have the option then just go for it.


Wish you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, may this year bring unbounded happiness and successes.     


And once again I will keep dreaming, discovering, and exploring. 

Adios 2010, Bievenue 2011.

PS: OMG! it is already 2011, only one more year before the world ends. I have to do all I can this year :P      

Link to last years New Years Message -- http://mylifeormylies.blogspot.com/2009/12/adios-2009-bienvenue-2010.html

time just flies by...

Disillusionment

Question boggles me. Does self-belief make us disillusioned?

Everyone has some dreams and aspirations. These are cherished desires one wants to fulfill. A life without dreams is not worth living for. (Well, not exactly, maybe you have just outgrown each of these desires.) But the question now arises are you worth these dreams? Can you ever live up to them? I want to be great singer, but I don't have the talent for singing! Having a dream is one thing, but having the capabilities to achieve that dream is another.

Self belief is good, everyone should have it. If nothing else, at least it makes you feel positive. But have you ever questioned this self-belief. Is your self-belief  in line with your capabilities? If they are not, they are just disillusioning you. It is better you face the reality that maybe your dream will never come true.

Have dreams but have realistic dreams. Maybe the effort you are putting in for these unrealistic dreams is not worth it. Maybe it is never meant to be. Having dreams is very important, have dreams that are more realizable. But how do you get to know that? Experimentation! Try, try your level best. Try until you are tired. Life isn't about giving up, not so soon. "If you never try you will never know" - Coldplay.

Life is all about experimenting and adapting. Learning and adopting. Living and laughing.

I never knew this graph existed until I wrote this blog. I was looking for a picture to make the post more interesting and see what I found. Ahh! my theories are not useless, great minds have worked on them.
 
  

It's snowing!

It is snowing outside. The gentle snowflakes sailing in the wind and then gently settling on the ground. Everything is covered in a white sheet of snow. It is so beautiful, it is so pure. You look up and you see the Arthur's Seat covered in a layer of snow. Everything is white, everything is pretty.

Tiny snowflakes fall on my head. I am mesmerized by them. I stretch my hands and look up in the sky. Is it real? I ask myself. The beauty invigorates me. I silent prayer comes to lips.

No, it is not my first snowfall experience, I've had many before. But yes it my first, first snowfall of the season experience. One day everything is green and colorful and the next day everything is white. Like the mode of the camera has been changed from color to black and white. The beauty is breathtaking even if you have seen this a million times (provided you have an eye for beauty!). Not to forget the cold, also, takes your breath away (literally). And all you wish is to go inside, in the warmth of the heater. But once inside all you crave is to be out in the snow!   

N.B. Each time I look up the Arthur's seat, it want to go climb it. I will, after the exams though. One day is reserved for Arthur's seat. Anybody else game for it?

A critical analysis of my Subjects

I have been getting a lot of assignments these days and all the assignments are just about critically analyzing a topic. I have become so critical now, that I am going to critically analyse my subjects.

Organizational behavior: I was reading the chapter on Motivation. Interestingly, there was a mathematical formula to calculate the motivation to people. How the hell can you calculate motivation? Either you are motivated or you are not. Each individual has his or her own reason to be motivated. A manager has to just figure that out and motivate the person accordingly. Useless subject!

Marketing Management: It is interesting to read it. But I think you do all the study of marketing in hindsight. You can never guess what strategy would work for the company. All you can say is "Ahh! see this strategy worked for us." You can only appreciate things once they have been successful. There are so many factors that affect consumer choice that you are bound to miss at least one. And you would be so unfortunate if the one you miss is the one on which the consumer's choice depended. Spend gazillions on all the market research and still you can't be sure if your product would work or not. Haven't you seen Bollywood movies. Who had thought dabang would work!

Economics and Business Management: Absolutely logical subject, one of my favorites. But it is all theory, can it be put into practical use? Noo!! with "all other things constant" how can it predict the demand and supply in real economies? Had it been a little more predictable we wouldn't have had the recession!

Accounting and Financial Management: One subject that makes some sense. But too number crunching, too many formulas and therefore a thousand interpretations of the same thing. A thousand ratios to choose from and each ratio will give you a different opinion of how the firm is doing. So whats the use? No wonder Satyam was so successful in its heydays!

Now I am wondering what is the use of pursuing a management degree, if all I have to learn is either impractical or useless.

The concept of "the thing"

I am going to do the impossible. I am actually going to define or at least try to define the concept of "the thing". I have always looked whether people possess "the thing" or not. And till now I have found only one who has "the thing" and he very well knows it. There are two other who partially possess "the thing" but they have some points they work on and if they are able to conquer those things greatness will be theirs. Ahh! prophecies about the future leaders. Naah! not yet there is still time. These three people have achieved something till now, and I had prophesied before itself that they have it in them. I know they can do so much more just that they shouldn't get carried away with what they have.

So what is the concept of "the thing".  It is really something very abstract. The one person who knows about it keeps one asking me what it is. But I never had an answer because I just know when I see "the thing" in the person. It has now almost become like a joke between us. So let me brace myself and try to define the characteristics of a person having the thing. Some of the character traits that these people possess are that they are down to earth, have amazing interpersonal skills, understand people well, are confident about what they do, sensitive, brave, good speakers, good analytical skills, a wide knowledge base, are particular about things but yet not picky, are open to ideas, have a firm holding of their principles, and they just know how to get things done. You can possess all this yet you can not have "the thing". The proportion of everything has to be right. It just got to be the right mix. And only I can judge it. ;)

So do I possess the thing? Unfortunately, not till now. I am working on it! I am too much of a pushover and have really bad memory! And of course I know myself too well to see myself doing anything great in life. (down to earth!! Ahh I possess at least one of the traits :P). For all I know there is one another person who is going to enter my list. But I have to spend a little more time with her, get to know her a little better and to tell her that she has "the thing".

Now don't get discouraged if I haven't told you that you possess the thing. Maybe you do, I just don't know you that well. My criteria might be harsh but they are not wrong.

Me

A laughter here,
a smile there.
It is difficult to see
what is really inside of me.
Its a deep conundrum that evades even me.
So how can I tell what to really be.
It is the concoction of thoughts that prevails,
for my mind is always searching for the details.

What I like about Edinburgh!

So its been two weeks in Edinburgh. Not a long time but still enough for me to experience a little bit of the life and culture of Scotland. What I like about life in Edinburgh is not the beautiful architecture or the picturesque scenery. Of course they are lovely, needless to say, but after sometime you just get used to all the beauty around you. And not to forget beauty also includes the good looking people around you!

What I like about living in Edinburgh is that I get to meet people of different nationalities. Get to know about their culture, their country, their families, and them as individuals. It is the exchange of knowledge and ideas that makes moments interesting here. We discuss topics like religion, politic, economy, etc. The questions are endless and the answers are diverse. Discussions last anywhere from five mins to a few hours, but the knowledge gained is immense. The answers may not be spot on but it is does give me a decently good idea about the things I am asking them. And to think of it, searching these topics on the internet would have taken hours and hours of my time!

Same is the case when they ask me some questions. It is interesting to know what kind of image people have of India and Indians. Sometimes there are some question about which even I have never thought of! "Why is the cow considered holy?" I had never even thought of this. It was just imbibed in me and I just accepted it without questioning it. I found the question very interesting so I made a point to google it. And it was then then I came to know why cow is considered holy. So it is not that you just get to know about their culture but also get to know things about your own.

But one thing that is true for each one of us no matter from which country we are from, what religion we follow,or  what our family backgrounds are is that we all enjoy a good laugh, treasure a true friend, are concerned about our futures, and just want to be happy and content with life!

Yet it is so scarce

A tear drop trickles down your face,
a faint smile lightens up your days,
the glint in your eyes adds to the grace,
yet it is all so scarce.

There is a calm outside, that I can explain.
There is a storm inside, that I can't.
Is it regret or is it fear?
I still miss the things that I held so dear.
Am I a fool or just a human?
To miss the things that were never so near.
Everything is here, yet it is not.
Everything is there, yet it is so scarce.

Missing Motorola

I miss Motorola. The simple and the complicated things that were a part of life there. So here are the things I miss about Motorola.

1) I miss waiting for the weekdays to get over so that I can enjoy the weekend and then waiting for the weekend to get over so that I get back to work.
2) I miss the frustrating Wednesdays. Wednesdays were frustrating because they are exactly the middle of the week, you have already worked for 2 days and 2 more days are there to go. Agrrrh! 2 more days of work before the relaxing/fun weekend. [I seldom had the Monday morning blues, I rather enjoyed going to work on Mondays!]
3) I miss the cab rides. The random talks about the most arbitrary stuff. Listening to FM and then commenting. Teaching Hindi to a cabmate, irritating some other, winking at one of my cabmate, finding out new routes...
4) Getting my bag checked. Never could figure out what they checked!
5) The Butterflies in my stomach before checking my emails. Being ecstatic when I received a good feedback. Being irritated when I got a bad one!
6) Reading specifications and saying 'what an utterly useless invention' or 'wow this one is interesting' or 'this one should be dropped', 'I'll get this one allowed'...
7) Making claim maps and responses. Drafting patent applications, thinking about the various ways of making the claim maps, responses, and patent applications interesting!
8) Talking and chatting with my mentor.
9) Exchanging songs (you tube links) using IM with my neighbor.
10) Chatting/gossiping/bitching with office friends using Motorola IM.
11) Watching random/absurd you tube videos. Thanks to some people who were a repository of such videos.
12) Dropping at Arthini's cubicle and talking to her while taking printouts. Teaching her all crazy Hindi songs and Hindi phrases!
13) Dismantling Roohi's cubicle.
14) Talking to Athira, my shrink!
15) All the closed door conference room meetings especially those in the mornings!
16) Sitting at Nisha's cubicle and discussing.
17) Saying "Daa! Sapadha poone-ma" to Sunil.
18) Irritating Chandni with my unending questions about the team and work!
19) Sitting comfortably cross-legged on my seat and working/chatting/listening to music.
20) Going for lunch exactly at 1 and leaving office exactly at 5:15 without fail (at least for lunch).
21) All the South Indian goodies Sunil, Arthini, Sangeetha, and Ragu used to get from their hometown. The yummy south Indian dishes Sangeetha used to cook. Athira's Imli rice.
22) The irritating ways in which Lakshey used to entertain us.
23) The 'Oyeee Cheetahee!!' I used to think this is really a jungle!!
24) Mr. HS's constant HSpanti. (Though I am not going to miss this because I still have to bear this for another year, it is still worth mentioning!)
25) And of course the permanent mun-dane!! :P

Gosh! there are so many more things I could mention, little and big. Life at Motorola was fun. Missing you all. 

It is all in the genes

We are so much like our parents. All throughout the time we spend with them we observe them, learn from them, and copy them. We think and say "yeah, I want to learn to be like this" or "no, I would never do this". Every action is scrutinized and dissected into the smallest pieces so that we know what's going on. Why Dad said this? How he said it? Was it the right thing to do? Where and when can I use this?

As a kid I used to be amazed at how Dad could make people do work for him. I had always wondered whether I would ever be able to do this. Now that I have grown up and observed him more closely, I want to learn even more. Today was the first time I (consciously) used what I learnt, the way to talk to people, whom to approach, what to say, etc. And now all I want to say is "Thanks Dad".

As for Mom, the more I learn the less it is. How to handle relationships, how to utilize time when you are alone, etc I've learnt it all from her. The softer side of me and maybe the meaner side too is all from her. After all you do inherit the bad genes too.

I adore my Dad and yet my admiration is never outright. It is always hidden beneath all the scoldings I lash on him. I am like him in so many ways like my temperament, some of my habits, etc. Yet I am like my mom so much too my nature, my creativity, etc. After all we are a part of them only.

Love you both. Would have been a nobody without your love and support. :) :)

Serendipity

Random events,
Intriguing words,
Disconcerting thoughts,
Lucid dreams,
Unfazed humour...

Somethings come and somethings go,
what is next you just come to know.
Sometimes it is merely a happenstance,
and sometimes it's all you have,
for what you want isn't always more than what you get!

2 years @ Motorola

2 years back, this day I joined Motorola and had never thought that the journey would be the way it is now. Ups and downs, forwards and backwards, sanity and insanity. It all evens out in the end.

I have realized so many things in the past years.

1) I realized that working is really important to me. Working crazy hours gives me a high. The amount I crib about work is directly proportional to how happy I am.

2) I realized that friends are really important. There has to be somebody to listen to all the cribbing! And at the end of the day they are all that matter. (read friends as friends + family)

3) I have learnt the art of cooking bad food. I always used to think that I can cook well. Now that I have started cooking, I know I am no good at it.

4) I realized that I have decent writing skills. Thanks to my job. Plan to write or maybe co-author a book someday!

5) I realized I have the ability to keep myself  busy by doing absolutely nothing. Days used to pass by and I never used to know what I did? (No, I don't take drugs!)

6) I realized that I can't multi-task. Sad but true :(

7) I realized the extent to which a Scorpion can love and hate somebody. How extreme both these feelings can go.

8) I realized that only those friendships survive which have no ulterior motive in them.

9) I realized that the heart of life is good.

If somebody would ask if I'd want to change anything, I'd say No. I wouldn't want to change anything. These past 2 years have been a journey. A journey worth remembering. Each day, each moment has been an exhilarating event, teaching me that there is happiness all around me, I have to just join in.

Life

Memories fade into the by-lanes of old times,
The present materializes into something you never realized.


Life is an adventure,
Friendship comes to enliven it,
Love becomes its ambition.
Dreams motivate you.
Responsibilities make you think ahead.


Days come and days go,
And you live, you learn, and you appreciate
this amazing adventure called Life.

I am a Gypsy.

Heard this song on the radio and totally fell in love with it. I can relate to this song so much.


I am a gypsy, are you coming with me?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q90kz9yHDF4&feature=related


Some lines from the song:


Walking gets too boring
When you learn how to fly


I'm a gypsy
Are you coming with me?
I might steal your clothes
And wear them if they fit me.
I never made agreements
Just like a gypsy
And I won't back down
'Cause life's already bit me
And I won't cry
I'm too young to die
If you're gonna quit me
'Cause I'm a gypsy


I can't hide what I've done
Scars remind me of just how far that I've come.

Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice-- The mountain (Prologue)

I have decided to move on. To leave the safe shore of the river, the forest, and the Chinese pine tree and travel to the unexplored mountains. I've got to walk through the forest. Now its the last lap in the forest and the most difficult one too because it is now that the forest would unleash its most wicked side. (I know I am being too cynical here, but I have a feeling its going to be tough.)

Even though I am walking on a trail, but still the trails fades away at times. And I can't really rely on the trail, I have to make my own path. I know I have to trust my instinct other than anything else. I don't know if moving away from the forest is a good idea or not. But somehow I am ready to take the chance.

The river is far behind me. I don't know whether the river had murky water or was it just imagination, I just couldn't understand it anymore and moving on seemed the best option. I had to let it go because I wanted to keep the memories of the crystal clear water and not the murky water. So that if I ever wanted to return, I would come back to the sparkling water. (provided the river accepts me too!!)

I know it is a long journey ahead; and I am not tired yet! A little anxious and a little excited for the journey to the mountain.

Remembering you

The past reflects eternally between two mirrors - the bright mirror of words and deeds, and the dark one, full of things we didn't do or say.

Yesterday while going through my old emails, I came across one of the emails from a long lost friend. Though I am no longer in talking terms with that friend, but the emails triggered some memories!! Why did we stop talking, how we became friends, why we lost touch, why we never tried talking again, etc.


The email was a very simple one. Me apologizing for not talking properly on the phone because something happened in office and I was angry and irritated and didn't want anybody to be victim of my anger. But the poor guy has called up at the wrong time and all the anger was thrown on him. (Mind you things had already started going bad between us, so it was dual anger :P) And then my friend after hearing all the lashings replied in the sweetest possible way. He wrote that it was okay, he was used to receiving my anger at too many occasion. Yet another one wouldn't do any harm.


Somehow when I look back at things, why is it that I remember the happy memories rather than the sad ones. Even though the sad one are far more than the happy ones. The human mind plays such games with you, at times you understand them and at time you are just lost trying to decipher them. Then, the is another friend whenever I remember time spent with that friend, I always remember the sad memories. Even though the time spent in the second case was much more fun than the time I spent with the first friend. Yet I don't remember any of those fun moments. Why, I fail to understand?


Friendships are like glass, once broken they can never be joined again. Even a crack and it looses its appeal. This is what happened in both the cases. Friendship lost its appeal. Being in different cities we never tried too hard to keep in touch and the crack only increased. And, now we have other friend and no time to keep in touch.


Now, in life if I ever get a chance or have the courage to talk to these friends of mine, I would just like to tell my side of the story. But I know I never will because anything I say wouldn't make any difference as the crack shall always remain...

One withers, another grows.

"All the people you meet here have one thing to teach you." Eddie was skeptical. His fists stayed clenched. "What?" he said. "That there are no random acts. That we are all connected. That you can no more separate one life from another than you can separate a breeze from the wind."

There are so many things that happen in life and you at that moment do not realize why they happened. What was the reason? What was God's plan? But when you look back, you realize "yes, this is the reason!" Each choice you make just weaves your life. Ever thought what would have happened if you had chosen the other thing. How things would have been? Where you would have been? Certainly not the same place you are at, right now.

Each decision I have taken, each choice I have made till now has woven my life. Choices as small as choosing one question over another in an exam. These choices might look insignificant, but now seeing in hindsight I realize how important they were!! Choosing friends, breaking up with friends, every decision has shown me that my present life is my doing and I am happy the way things are at present.

There are choices I made, choices as small as not speaking up for what right for me, choices of not standing up for myself, choices of not fighting back, choices of giving up. But there have also been choices of asking questions, choices of how to answer some questions, choices of speaking up at the right moment. Some choice I made, might have been wrong. But over all, it's only because of the wrong choice that I learnt how to make the right ones. Now, I have come to believe that life is always a happy ending. And if the ending is not happy, then it not the end. (picture abhi baaki hai mere dost)

One withers, another grows.

-- I had a dream that I couldn't fulfill. But dreams like people, come and go. If you are not able to fulfill one dream another dream takes it place. And, until that new dream is fulfilled, the failure of the first dream haunts you. Maybe my desire to be where I always wanted to be, wasn't as strong as those who made it there. But now there is no looking back, I am going where I truly deserve to be.  

The initial quotes are from one of my favorite book "five people you meet in heaven" by Mitch Albom. I read this book when I was in one of the bad phases of my life. And this book gave me the courage to fight and learn the reason of my existence. 


my fav scene from the movie curious case of benjamin button


http://www.youtube.com/watch#!v=vvrzATr4gaQ&feature=related

I am happy that I found you !!

All is burnt, all in flames!!
Yet another hour, yet another day, yet another year!
I need no sympathy,
I need no pity,
I don't want to hear the sadness in your voice.
the disappointment that I hear breaks me down.
Maybe i failed you, but i failed myself too.
Yet another hour, yet another day, yet another year!

I fake a smile, I fake a giggle, I fake a laughter,
But all the fakeness can be genuine too..
Yet another hour, yet another day, yet another year!

When the world looks down at you,
When you dreams are thwarted,
You don't need any sympathy,
You don't need any pity,
You don't need any sadness,
You just need a voice encouraging you.
Yet another hour, yet another day, yet another year!

I found my voice,
I found my voice in you.
I searched for it,
and I found it in you...

Bura na mano holi hai...

Rang barse beege chunar wali, rang barse...

Holi hai!!

Down the memory lane,

I remember the college holi days,

the singing, the dancing, the spraying of water, the applying of holi colors,

eating gujiya, having bhaang, n of course its after effects!!

Shurti lying in the balcony floor,

n Chavvi saying "will I ever get out of it?"

Anant running behind me with the permanent colors,

drenching Nidhi n Aparna in water,

Messing up Deepika's hair with green color,

I miss it all.

Another year without playing holi,

second in a row, it will be this time... 

Oh no...

I want to play holi,

I want to play holi with all of you...

Happy Holi!!

Bring me back my June

There was fun, there was laughter, there was innocent banter. June was the time. It had it all, the beautiful dawns, the warm sun, the light rains, and the breezy evenings. Sometimes everything that seems elusive appears in front of you. It happens once in a blue moon, but it does happen. June was it. Illusion, dream, or fantasy! Unreal or real, I don't know. It passed too fast for me to realize that it had come.

It was only when it passed that I realized how much I had enjoyed it. And then all I wanted was my June to return. But it didn't, it never will. Because it had gone, away from my reach. Only the memories remained. June had spoken to me, laughed with me, played with me. We had gone cycling occasionally. We had cooked together, and eaten the same food together. We had a very nice time together. Memories are embedded deep in my mind. 

Do I miss June? Yes, of course. I want my June to return. But things can be never the same. Had July, August, September not happened, I would have fought for my June. I would have got it back also. But then July, August, September did come and then I realized maybe June happened for a reason. June may have been fun, but it paved the way for July, August, September and most importantly January. Now thinking back, I don't want to bring my June. I want to live my January, February, March, April... 

January and February might not be cooking and cycling with me. But it sure is laughing, planning, playing, dreaming, singing and dancing with me...


(At times we tend to live in the past, forgetting that the present is more beautiful than the past.)

Just a hug...

The more you control me, the more I'll rebel,
The time you set me free, I'll revel.
All I need is that you hold my hand
and take me along.
All I need is gentleness,
To get over the messiness.
All I need is an understanding ear,
to wash away my tears.
Just be there.
Don't leave me hanging,
I need you more than anything.

A Poem

I walked a mile with Pleasure;
She chatted all the way;
But left me none the wiser
For all she had to say.

I walked a mile with Sorrow,
And ne'er a word said she;
But, oh! The things I learned from her,
When sorrow walked with me.

by Robert Browning Hamilton

Under the Tuscan Sun

Never lose your childish innocence. It's the most important thing.

A cool breeze blows over the vast golden hued meadows. The breeze gently whistling as if enjoying the radiant summer sun. The breeze singing so that others enjoy it too. The tall golden Coreopsis's are also swaying rhythmically with the breeze. They too are dancing to the song of the breeze. The Coreopsis's are enjoying the tuscan sun. They'r happy, they'r carefree, they'r joivial. They'r innocent! 

I see a little girl at a distance. Running, enjoying the gentle breeze and the warm sun. Her scarf flying in wind. The scarf makes her look like  bird which is about to fly. The girl seems so carefree, so troublefree, so relaxed. 

I could watch her all day long. I could watch her play. I could watch her fly under the tuscan sun.  

2 A.M.

awake at 2 am... feeling soo sleepyyy... but still awake... wondering y??


1) bcoz im appreciating my newest painting... Thinking it wud be worth while to join an art class or something...
2) bcoz im too lazy to brush my teeth.
3) bcoz im too lazy to change to a night dress.
4) bcoz im listening to a good song and letting the lyrics sink in by listening to the song over and over again.
5) bcoz im thinking about what all happened yesterday. (A lot of things!!) And how I cud have handled them in a better manner.
6) bcoz im wondering how I felt a thousand emotions in a single day... from frustration, sadness, disappointment, anger, discontentment, fear, love, happiness, to craziness, etc. I felt it all.
7) bcoz im thinking wat does tomorrow hold?


Probably Im thinking too much!!! I should just sleep now. :P

Happy New Year

I ask myself, "How's the New Year unfolding?"
Hmm, lemme think. Too many things on my mind right now...

Financially, I am totally broke. I think it's the first time in my life that I have this less money with me. Not even in college was I in such a bad situation. Barely managing, all plans on hold, just awaiting the next salary. It would be such a relief.

Professionally, I have never had such bad cases in a row or am I suffering from Patent Engineer's block!! All the cases I have done this year (4 till now) have been such challenging cases, the technology totally goes over my head, and yes it takes hell lot of time to find a difference. At times I don't even know what difference I am looking for. Ahh, maybe it's just a Patent Engineer's block!!

Emotionally, won't comment on that. My mood swings like the pendulum of a clock. You can never tell what mood I am in.

Artistically, I am devoid of ideas right now. Or maybe there are too many. Just not the push to make them all. I know I have to start afresh.

But, even if everything is not going the way I expected it go, I don't have any regrets with how things are going on. I am fine with them. At least it's not the same old boring life. At least I have some to crib about, rather than just how life is just plain boring!! I am cribbing about I have no money, no easy cases, no idea about my future, and no inspiration for my art. At least there is something different!!

Happy New Year!!!
I hope your New Year is unfolding better than mine...

It's a climb

I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction

My faith is shaking
But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going
And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle

Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Somebody's gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby
It's all about, it's all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa